Trying to Create Without Losing Myself Online

Feb 1

For the past 10 years, I’ve shared my life on social media. I’ve gone through many pivots over the years, but they’ve all been part of a very natural evolution. The kind that happens when you grow from your 20s into your 30s and are forced to reintroduce yourself to who you are over and over again.

Now, I’m almost 40. And I can feel myself entering a new era.

This video wasn’t just another YouTube upload for me. It was a recalibration. A moment where I had to be honest about how I’m balancing my creative side with my activism, and how those two parts of me have been in quiet conflict for longer than I’d like to admit.

When Platforms Stop Aligning With Your Values

For the past few years, I’ve been struggling with something that’s hard to talk about openly online: getting paid on platforms that no longer align with my beliefs.

Platforms that once felt playful and creative now reward speed, outrage, and misinformation. The louder, angrier, and more polarizing something is, the more it’s boosted. And the quieter, more thoughtful work gets buried.

That shift has forced me to ask uncomfortable questions:

What does it mean to profit from systems I don’t believe in?
How much compromise is too much?
And at what point does “this is just how the internet works” become a cop-out?

Creativity Isn’t Neutral Anymore

Making content online isn’t just about creativity anymore. It’s about navigating pressure, politics, platforms, and burnout… simultaneously.

Every post feels like a decision:

What do I say?
What do I leave out?
What will be misunderstood?
What will be weaponized?

There’s a version of me that questions everything: capitalism, systems of power, who benefits from what we consume, and who gets silenced in the process. And there’s another version of me that still wants to make something beautiful, funny, comforting, or human.

For a long time, I thought I had to choose between those two selves, which left me feeling unfulfilled and burnt out.

Living Between Two Opposing Truths

This video shows how to hold both.

I don’t want to numb myself to what’s happening in the world just so I can create “lighter” content. But I also don’t want to turn every piece of creativity into a battleground. I want space for joy and accountability. Beauty and critique. Softness and truth.

And it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also honest.

Redefining What It Means to Show Up

For a long time, success online meant consistency, growth, and monetization at all costs. But I’m realizing that staying visible isn’t the same as staying aligned.

I’m learning that:

Rest is not disengagement (rest is also necessary).
Slowing down is not quitting.
And changing how you participate doesn’t mean you’ve lost your voice.

Sometimes it means you’ve finally found it.

This Is Me Choosing Intention Over Momentum.

I don’t have all the answers yet. I’m still experimenting. Still learning how to exist online without losing myself in the process. But I do know this:

I’m done pretending that creation exists in a vacuum.
I’m done separating who I am from what I make.
And I’m done measuring success by systems that were never built with my humanity in mind.

The good news? I’m feeling more creative and more fulfilled than I have in years.

It’s getting exciting.